Mind your own spiritual business

Published by Lola

A common frustration for people committed to personal development are people who appear not to be committed to their personal development, especially family and close friends. We know what it’s like to be where they are and we know what to do to move past it to a more pleasurable place. However, watching them constantly banging their heads against a brick wall, repeating endless cycles of behaviour that leads to suffering is probably more frustrating for you than it is for them!

Because we care we want to save them from any pain, however how do you know what you know? How did you move from where you were to where you are? No doubt there was some pain involved. My path has involved a lot of pain and emotional upheaval and although I am no masochist, I’d do it all again in a flash if I had to. Why? Because I can look back on everything and see why it happened and what I learned from the experiences. At the time I was stuck in the pain and emotion of it all, but hindsight is a wonderful thing and how rich is the tapestry of my life as a result.

I’m now at the stage where during the painful times I am no longer lost in the pain. I feel discomfort but nowhere near previous levels and have a knowing that “although I feel crap right now, it’s for a reason and it will become clear so ride it out”. God knows how many cycles of destructive behaviour I went through to get here, so I wonder what’s really going on? Why do we want to protect our loved ones from growth experiences? Also, what’s going on with you? This frustration needs to be explored with a curious mind with no assumptions and without a “yeah I know all that” attitude. The truth is you don’t really know it otherwise you would be doing it, so put your beginners hat on, get back to basics and explore.

Resisting your own development

Sometimes in your frustration your focus turns completely to the person of your concern, leaving nothing for you. Then you appear to have a bonafide reason to abandon your own personal work for the benefit of helping this other person. Also, helping is good isn’t it? You are showing this other person love aren’t you? Well what about self-love? It’s difficult to give real love if you have issues with self-love.

Personal development can be uncomfortable and sometimes totally focussing on someone else’s shortcomings takes the light off your own areas for development. What areas of your own personal development are you resisting? Since you are helping someone else, it seems right, but the saying you can’t help anyone until you help yourself springs to mind.

Work on yourself

If you are not sure what you are resisting, have a look at exactly what is frustrating you about this other person. The world is your mirror so if the source of your frustration is your mother’s constant expression of lack, look where you are expressing lack. Resolve that within yourself and your mother will stop expressing lack around you. However, don’t resolve internal issues purely for your mother, she has her own life to live, but for yourself. Use sources of frustration as ways to guide you to your own areas for work.

Limited view

Another reason why it’s not good to interfere in other’s lives is because although you mean well, it’s not your path so you may not be the best person to guide someone as you do not know the bigger plan they fit into. Compared to God, we have a limited view of the world and cannot see into the future so our advice, which could have worked brilliantly for us, may not be for them. Even clairvoyants who can see into the future are particular about this. Also, we claim to trust God, let the universe unfold etc but whenever we get a chance we want to interfere. Let go and let God.

Clash of vibrations

After all of this great work you have been doing, you are vibrating on another level to these people you want to help, which is why you don’t understand why they do what they do. Inversely, they don’t really understand what you are talking about as you are communicating at your vibration which they are currently not on. Like a radio, you are communicating at one frequency and they are listening at another, to cannot hear 100fm transmission if you are listening to 95.8fm.

For example, I used to share my experiences of books and experiences with my partner and believed I was considering the fact that he wasn’t really into personal or spiritual development. Then, he recently started reading Dr Wayne Dyer’s Power of Intention and started talking a lot about vibrations and real-life examples of differences of vibrations. I was impressed and during one discussion found out that when I used to go on about vibrations he didn’t actually really understand what I was talking about, but from reading the book he gained a deeper understanding for himself.

Allow their path to unfold

Some of your own frustrations are your own impatience, judgement and unacceptance. I also think that sometimes we believe that if they would change it would make your path easier. Your path is your path, you can overcome whatever obstacles are in the way but you can’t purposely change people. Their path is their path and you have to let it unfold, it has nothing to do with you so stop trying to control them.

The irony is that allowing their path to unfold could achieve your objective quicker. Eg, in the case of my earlier example I had been trying to get my partner to listen to CDs, read books and get into development for years but he wasn’t interested and the more I pushed the more he pulled away. Eventually, I gave up and he approached me for a book to read and has been taking his own steps towards his development in his own way. His way is a lot slower than mine, but that’s his choice, no-one is right or wrong, it just is.

Remember, what you resist persists, so being frustrated about other people’s lives will only lead to more frustration. Think what you would like to feel and bring more of that energy to the situation and watch the magic happen.

In love, light and abundance x x x